VIDEO

[misery_hates_company]

*As normal, the phones spring to life. Who is at the other end, however, is... unexpected.*

Right. I do not normally like to communicate over these channels. And for the record, I still have very little interest in any of you peoples' business. However, quite recently I have been dealing with a number of my little followers who have suddenly turned into not so little monsters, and I can only assume one of you lot has something to do with it, or at least knows what is causing it. I am not so arrogant as to remain lofty when my interests are being... disrupted like this. So I ask: what is this condition, and what must I destroy to put it to an end? I find the whole situation rather distasteful, see.

Assuming, of course, you don't try to negotiate some sort of "deal" with me that puts me at a disadvantage. I'm not THAT interested in the solution. They die quite easily anyway.

Comments

[third_alternative]

Okay, so there's these tiny machines that--

...Actually, you know what, I'm not going to explain this again. Just read this. I don't know how you missed it in the first place.

[misery_hates_company]

Let's just say I do not typically care to listen to all the blather that usually takes place over these lines.

Hmm. Tiny machines, eh? Science really can do terrible things, can't it? But surely you're not going to tell me you're going to run around curing every single example of this, are you? How terribly inefficient.

[third_alternative]

I don't see you coming up with any better ideas.

[misery_hates_company]

It is not particularly any of my business to do your thinking for you. Still, I suppose I am feeling generous, and will help lead you into an idea. Never let it be said that I have never done anything for anybody else. Tell me, why IS it you and you alone can halt this troublesome condition?

[third_alternative]

Good question. Let me go ask the scientists back home who've been trying to figure that out for at least four months.

[misery_hates_company]

Oh deary deary me. A cure that doesn't know why he cures! And they say magic is esoteric and confusing.

All right, perhaps a different tact, hmm? It never hurts to keep an open mind! Do tell me, what exactly is your methodology?

[third_alternative]

Yeah, well, it doesn't help when you keep forgetting everything.

As for 'methodology', there isn't really. I just touch the EVO and tell the nanites in me to cure 'em, and it works.

[misery_hates_company]

I see. Hmm. Technology can "broadcast signals," can they not? What is to prevent you from finding a way to, shall we say, "get the word out?" Beam yourself into thousands of households! You'll be a STAR, darling! Oh ho ho ho.

[third_alternative]

Yeah, but--

[He stops, and thinks. Didn't ZAG-RS try doing something similar with the tower? Try and eradicate all nanites with a broadcasted signal? Get rid of the "kill everyone" aspect of the idea and replace it with a cure signal...]

That--that might actually work.

[misery_hates_company]

Well there we are then! That wasn't so hard, was it? Now I won't ask for too much payment. Just spread some of that good joy around, hmm? Living minions are worth more than dead ones, and it gets so messy having to put them out of their misery.

[third_alternative]

Oh, you'd better believe I will!