[PRIVATE]

[hatefriendleader]

[Troll Valentine's Day is actually called Prevernal Quadrant Fulfillment Festival, but the concept is fairly recognizable. That's beside the point. Outside Room 311, a simple spade cut out of black construction paper is nailed to the door, so as to be less convenient than if it were stapled. In plain white writing, it says simply "TO VRISKA: YOU'RE THE WORST. FUCK YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU STAND FOR." A sappy old cliche. He can't help it, he's nervous. It's why he bothered attempting to do this anonymously, like a stupid little wiggler with a shallow schoolgrub crush on an obnoxious yet pretty peer. Also because he basically is that. This is the worst idea he's ever had. He wonders if it's too late to go back to the scene of the crime and remove it before she sees it. Fuck.]

Comments

1/3

[82the8th]

[Oh, look! It's a hate letter! Who could this mysterious detractor be????????]

2/3

[82the8th]

[Just kidding. There's only one douchebag who would do something this predictable and contrived, in all caps.]

[It's questionable whether or not he's in her league, but why not give the loser a vanishingly small chance?]

3/3

[82the8th]

[Some time later, a brick crashes through Karkat's window, with a note attached to it. It probably hits something important, like Karkat.]

I get it, you're o8sessed with me! It's not like I 8l8me you or anything. If there were more than two or three trolls in this entire city, I'm sure I'd 8e falling over all these solicitations. I've seen me, any troll would 8e lucky to have someone this devious as a kismesis!

8ut honestly, try to consider this from my perspective! I'd have to lower myself a loooooooot to reach your level of patheticness. I mean, look at you! You're stu88y, uninspired, o8noxious, predicta8le...

Continued on 8rick 2.

[hatefriendleader]

[Fuck. Fuck. Just fuck. He should have known this was a bad idea.


He awaits brick two.]

[82the8th]

[No second brick seems to be forthcoming! Dare Karkat hazard a look out the window?]

[hatefriendleader]

[He dares. There's pretty much no way this isn't gonna hit him in the face, is there.]

[82the8th]

[YUP RIGHT IN THE FACE. Brick 2 commence.]

I could go on and on, 8ut that would 8e a w8ste of perfectly good 8ricks!!!!!!!!
My point is, I'm almost definitely w8y out of your league. Waaaaaaaay out. If your league was a lone recuperative slime capsule, I'm somewhere several light years outside of this primitive solar system.
So I guess it's lucky for you that I'm so willing to condescend so deep to give you one 8rief chance to show me that you're capable of more than pretendy leadership g8mes and m8king a fool of yourself!
Brick 3 will det8il the time and pl8ce of your shit getting completely w8sted. Neither are negotia8le, and truancy will be punished 8y immedi8 execution.

[hatefriendleader]

[He's not unconscious from brick two for long. After about four minutes, he raises a notebook with a very crude representation of his head drawn on the open page to the window. Safety first.]

[82the8th]

[Brick 3 will be coming in about six hours, after Karkat's had plenty of time to forget about this bullshit.]

[hatefriendleader]

[After holding the notebook up for about twenty minutes while his arm hurt, he produces a counterbrick to be lobbed out the window in response as soon as brick three comes. Two can play at this game, Spidertroll.]


OKAY, I'VE DECIDED AGAINST BEING CAGEY ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I WAS THE ONE WHO LEFT THAT NOTE BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE RETARDED, BUT LET'S GET SOME THINGS STRAIGHT.
ONE, I LET YOU HAVE THAT SHOT FOR FREE BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN FUCKING GET.
TWO, WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT MY EXPERIENCE WITH LEADERSHIP HERE IS AT MOST ONE TENTH AS "PRETENDY PLATYIME RUMPUS HORSESHIT" AS YOURS.
THREE, YOU'RE ON. I REALLY AM GOING TO REVEL IN YOUR UTTER HUMILIATION. THE RUINS OF YOUR FRAGILE EGO WILL BE THE SCRAP METAL FROM WHICH I BUILD A MONUMENT TO MY OWN INFINITE CONTEMPT FOR YOU.
YOU'RE FUCKED.