Samus Aran (
only_one_m) wrote in
anemoi2012-05-01 10:19 pm
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2% memories by the way
[Audio]
I think we all know by now that our collective ability to withhold information is impaired, possibly due to some sort of psychosomatic gas or radiation. So to cut to the chase, I'm a bounty hunter who primarily takes contracts from the Galactic Federation Army on the condition that I have full autonomy whenever possible.
I have special permission to access things like confidential GFA logs and restricted areas due to connections I made actually working for the Federation officially when I was younger. Essentially, I'm a VIP among problem solvers, though I still can't remember any specific missions from either part of my career.
Also, Gordon, I managed to decrypt the data you were looking for and upload it in the lab. I'd have told you in private, but...
I think we all know by now that our collective ability to withhold information is impaired, possibly due to some sort of psychosomatic gas or radiation. So to cut to the chase, I'm a bounty hunter who primarily takes contracts from the Galactic Federation Army on the condition that I have full autonomy whenever possible.
I have special permission to access things like confidential GFA logs and restricted areas due to connections I made actually working for the Federation officially when I was younger. Essentially, I'm a VIP among problem solvers, though I still can't remember any specific missions from either part of my career.
Also, Gordon, I managed to decrypt the data you were looking for and upload it in the lab. I'd have told you in private, but...
[Audio]
I totally understand. I think it's less of a gas or radiation and more of a passive field effect from a dimensional membrane overlay; I'm still trying to figure out the unitary group association. Uh, sorry if I say stuff like that that doesn't make sense; usually I can downplay it so I don't sound like a self-important egghead schmuck, but it looks like not today.
[Yup! Going just PEACHY so far.]
Can you give me the directory and file number? I'll download it and give it a once-over.
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[Still not crazy about it though.]
I just created a folder with my own name in the extraterrestrial technology archives. I should warn you: there's quite a bit of information, and some key words were untranslatable. I think it's safe to say my suit isn't of human origin.
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[He stares for a moment, and then shakes himself out of it and gets to work downloading that folder.]
I, uh, I'm not expecting to understand all this immediately. There'll probably be some reverse-engineering involved and even THEN I won't get it quite right. Even beyond the handicap of being in your relative past, there's probably a cultural difference on top of it...
But, that's what makes it a challenge.
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Okay... let's take a look at this thing...
...
[There's a long, low whistle over the speakers.]
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[There's a pause.]
Hey... you, want to look this thing over with me sometime?
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[Yyyyyyyyyyep, 100% at face value.]
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[The confession is cut short by a loud CRACK of something that sounds like... a whip?]
BEHOLD! I am CAFFINATRIX! And this little coffee shop is now the first base in operations towards taking over the city! [Another whip crack, followed by a yelp from some middle-aged man in the distance.] Ohohoho no, you're not leaving yet, my little pets...
...Whoa, where the hell did she get that outfit? Uh, okay Samus, the weekend sometime, we'll decide where then... gotta go. Something just came up.
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I assume you can handle it?
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YOU! NO CELLPHONES! [And with a definite crack and a clatter the phone is knocked from his hand, landing nearby. Instead of the call conveniently cutting short Samus can hear the whole ordeal, Caffinatrix screaming demands, scuffling and crashing sounds, the occasional crack of a whip (And a yelp that definitely is in Gordon's voice this time) and in the end... a single decisive PAANK of a crowbar and a thud.]
...He did it! Captain Crowbar saved us!
Ggph--I keep telling you guys, I'm not Captain Crowbar! [A clatter as he picks the phone up again.] ...Wait, is this thing still on? You, uh, heard all that huh?
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I've got one for you, miss problem solver. How long is this gonna last and how can we fix it?
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[She's baaaaaaarely taunting him.]
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But let me guess. You've got the rest of the day reserved for tidying up the apartment room and trying on a few dresses.
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I'm just wondering what's keeping you so busy. You know, you'd be doing everybody a favor by fixing things up. We'd all appreciate it. Wouldn't that make you feel all warm inside?
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It's good you're not a sap. If you were, some people might try to take advantage of you.
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You seem fairly interested in whether or not I can take care of myself. Does that qualify you as a "sap?"
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If you're born talented, like me, then it's a crime not to be well paid if you can do a job better than anyone. I don't know how good you are, but at least it sounds like you have your priorities straight. It'd be a shame if you lost that attitude somewhere down the line.