(no subject)

[all_onis_are_true]

[ACTION]

*The memories had swapped back, leaving Hiroshi saddled with yet another nightmare scenario. This one made even less sense than the previous ones; he didn't even LOOK like himself. He'd swear it wasn't him at all if people weren't calling him by name, and if Takuro (damnit, Takuro, why do you keep dying) hadn't been there at all. But the monsters were there, and those little recurring details.

The bait-and-switch has left him feeling drained. He seems like he's not paying much attention to anything as a result, almost going through the motions of things more than anything else. He's beginning to wonder what sort of genocides he pulled off in a past life to deserve this sort of a situation.

Either way, even if he's trying not to act it, he is visibly depressed.*

[VIDEO]

...

No, forget it. I just...

...

Sorry. It's not important.

*He disconnects. What was THAT about?*

Comments

Re: [Video, private]

[all_onis_are_true]

Mr. Gordon.

...I'm not sure how much more of these memories I can take, sir.

[trustycrowbar]

I see the swap-back worked for you too. [He was afraid it was something like that. He sighs.]

You want to talk about it?

[all_onis_are_true]

*He runs his hand through his hair.*

This recent set... it barely even makes any sense. Everybody's different. Friends, bullies... even I don't look the same. But I can still tell it's the same event; there's those little things that happen every time. And even if I don't look the same, it's still me. I mean... how many more sets of these ARE there?

[trustycrowbar]

[The "correct" answer would be an infinite number, in potentia. But there's no way in hell he'd say that right now.]

I wish I could do something to stop it, kid. But there's no way to stop or slow down the rate you get back memories. Best you can do is accelerate it with Anemoi.

[all_onis_are_true]

...

I wonder... is there something I did to deserve this? Nobody else seems to have this problem. It's not very scientific, but I can't help but feel that...

*He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes.*

Maybe if I had just run back for the ones who tripped... or insisted more on staying with the others, or...

[trustycrowbar]

Don't go blaming yourself! If you'd done that, then you wouldn't be alive to remember ANYTHING, let alone everything. I'm sure you did the best you could do at the time--well, at any of the times. No one expects any more than that from you.

[Dammit, Hiroshi doesn't deserve this! That's it, there has to be a way to untangle the knot of causality he's tied up in!]

[all_onis_are_true]

But if I had done MORE, who's to say someone ELSE couldn't have lived? That's what gets me, Mr. Gordon. It's like I'm the only one who gets out, and... and it feels like I'm being punished for that, or something!

[trustycrowbar]

I know, kid! But sometimes you just can't save everyone! You just... can't! [That was maybe a bit louder than he'd figured it'd be. He clears his throat awkwardly.]

You're going to have to move on... or else you'll be lost in those memories forever. You don't want that.

[all_onis_are_true]

...I know you mean well, Mr. Gordon. But moving on sort of requires my memories to stop coming back to hound me.