After the fracas at the JLS HQ, Video

[has_a_blog]

Alright, so I got a message for a few people from Future Dave just now. So, for all intents and purposes, I guess this message is from me.

Gordon, your future self wanted me to give you this. He said that it has sentimental value to you for some reason, and that you'd be glad to see it when you remembered it.

So, uh, Happy Birthday.

Karkat, your future self told me to tell you that you are a child molesting douchecopter who, uh...

[he holds up a piece of paper]

"Who has shame squeezers or one of those other weird troll things where his balls should be."

Your words, apparently, not mine.

To everyone else, well... he was from a doomed timeline. No one can escape a doomed timeline forever, so he was just glad that his doom came on his own terms, rather than being suffocated under a mattress in a freak accident or something retarded like that.

Comments

[Video]

[trustycrowbar]

My future self? Seriously? Whoa! I thought you couldn't do that! It'd create a... time loop or something like in one of those weird-ass sci-fi movies! Yeah whatever, who cares about causality. It's probably a memoir or something, right? Everything written down in one place for me to read up on! That ought to clear up a whole lot of shit! So what is it?

[has_a_blog]

[He holds up an ordinary looking crowbar]

Enjoy.

[trustycrowbar]

[He stares]

...A crowbar. What the unadulterated hell.

[has_a_blog]

Yeah, he didn't explain.

By "he", I mean me of course.

[trustycrowbar]

You're actually serious aren't you? At first I thought it was just one big joke... [He growls, facepalming even over his glasses.] Okay, okay. I'll be by to pick up the friggin' Crowbar of Destiny soon. Illustrious career of breaking and entering, here I come.

[has_a_blog]

Room 301.

[video]

[canthandleacape]

You're being pretty calm about all this.

[has_a_blog]

Why wouldn't I be calm. I'm not the one doomed by a splinter timeline.

[canthandleacape]

That's really all this is to you?

[has_a_blog]

What else would it be? It's not I need to grieve for myself, right? I'm still here.

[canthandleacape]

[For a second, Booster looks like he's about to start yelling, but he catches himself.]

Yeah, I guess you have a point there.

[hatefriendleader]

Okay, assuming for one second that my future self would tell your future self to leave a message of any kind for any reason, a hypothetical to which I can only say "how many of us have ruptured sponges in the future exactly," for that to be the message in his slash my own words is so fucking improbably retarded I'm half-tempted to believe it "ironically" just to spite you.

I guess this is a roundabout way of saying I think one or both of your temporal selves are full of shit.

[has_a_blog]

Oh good, I was worried you would try to explain what a shame squeezer is.

[hatefriendleader]

It isn't anything, you fucking dolt. That's one of the many reasons this whole scenario you're transcribing for me through obscure future-human-to-present-human chutepull divination reeks of falsehood and stupidity.

[has_a_blog]

Apparently future you also figured you wouldn't believe that was really you. There's an extra bit:

[Out with the paper again.]

"If he doesn't believe you, ask him about Jade making out with herself."

[hatefriendleader]

Who the fuck is Jade and why would I know anything about her sordid, presumably paradoxical trists?

[has_a_blog]

How the fuck should I know? I'm just the messenger here.

[theheirofbreath]

.........

I- I was at that meeting and I couldn't even do anything to help him. You. Whatever.

[John feels kind of bad for being generally useless. And also cowardly for running away.]

Sorry...

[has_a_blog]

You couldn't do anything. No one could. God it's like no one is even listening to me! How many times do I have to explain what a doomed timeline is!? Not that I should have to because it's right in the fucking name!

[He takes a deep breath and calms down, realizing he's starting to sound like Karkat. Maybe this shit IS getting to him...]

[theheirofbreath]

[John flinches visibly.]

I- I didn't mean....

[But is there anything he could say right now that wouldn't sound stupid? Probably not...]

Even if I really couldn't do anything, I feel like I should have tried. But when those monsters showed up, I just.... ran away.

[has_a_blog]

Well, why wouldn't you? You barely know me. What kind of doofus throws his life on the line for a near total stranger?

I mean, besides future me. And before you start, his life was already thrown away.

[theheirofbreath]

Because after everything you.... he.... did to save us, I feel like we should have tried harder to save him.


Even if he was from a 'doomed timeline...' We might have still been able to help. Somehow....

[John is bad at accepting hopeless situations.]

You never know unless you try.

[has_a_blog]

Maybe it's easier for a guy to accept someone's death if he believes it's inevitable, okay?

I'm not saying that's what's going on here, but maybe some things are better if you can't change them.

[theheirofbreath]

I-

[He opens his mouth to keeps arguing, but then stops. It seems like all he's doing here is making Dave upset. And for no good reason. What's done is done. Even if it still doesn't sit right with him, if this is how Dave is coping, then maybe he should just leave it at that.

And it's not really any of his business either. Dave himself said they were near total strangers. And he was right. So why didn't that sit well with John either?]

N-never mind. Maybe you're right. There was probably no way anyone could have changed what happened.

It still bothers me a little, but.... I guess it's not really any of my business. Sorry....